11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
