ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Randomize
