running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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