Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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