Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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