Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
