Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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