just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
