Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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