I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
