I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
third nipple confirmed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
