Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
