well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
