Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
