You're my little dorito
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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