I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
