Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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