You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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