I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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