why didn't you poke me back
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
