Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
