Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
