you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
