Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
