and she was petting her beer can
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
