Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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