It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
