If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
