It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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