you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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