You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
