My hand turned me down
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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