i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
