it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Drunk is not a location!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
