this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
