does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
