he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
