i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
