I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
