So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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