He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All the doctor said was why
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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