..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
