loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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