i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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