So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
