Umm I'm too high to move.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
