New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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