we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
