I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
