I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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