Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
