I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
