Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
