if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize