I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Alive.
So much puke
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
