Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There's even glitter on my cock...
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