is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
