How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
