My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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