I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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