I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
