go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize