I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
