Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
