maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
