i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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