I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
