That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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