we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she peed on how many people?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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