Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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