how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We named our party play list daddy issues
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
