You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
