It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
