you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
