if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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