I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
