to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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