even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
